Today was my first day at a new university and it felt like the first time I properly attended since March.
I’m not sure why, but it felt really odd sitting in a seminar room doing work. I phased in and out of concentration for a while half people watching. People seemed to love being in the room, knew what they were doing and felt comfortable. My mind was completely elsewhere. It wasn’t the work that phased me at all as a lot of the work comes naturally to me and after studying business for 7 years already, nothing is particularly new to my ears.
It wasn’t even being somewhere new. I did feel like this at my old university. I just feel like the odd one out. I don’t love what I’m doing, I just feel obliged to be doing it. I’ve always wanted a degree since I was 4 years old and watched my Mum graduate, but it just isn’t anything I expected. Maybe it’s the wrong subject, place or just maybe I’m not meant to be doing one.
After having Nate, my career and ideal jobs have had to be put aside. The day after I found out I was 37 weeks gone, I was offered a interview with L’Oreal for a dream position. It was a bitter sweet situation and still is. I said for years and years, I want a successful career and I’d do anything I can to be on top. After being told you were not able to have children, you obviously make new goals in life. But obviously easier said then done with or without having a child and your partner also trying to achieve success in their career too.
I absolutely adore the blogging network and have had one since I was 13, (it was hilariously terrible may I add). But I know it’s such a saturated market now to make a job from, but it’s my main interest and passion. I don’t expect to make a career from blogging, that’s not why you start a blog. I just want to properly start one and make it become a part of my life. I’ve always stopped and started because the writing side felt forced, boring and unoriginal.
I just feel lost of where I’m meant to be going with life right now. I keep choosing routes that are good for the majority but don’t make me happy, surely that can’t be right, right?
(If you read to here I do apologise for this long wounded post, needed to release my thoughts, aha.)
I happily just told myself to man up, look forward and start making plans and goals.
I start a new university Monday, we soon will hopefully be in a new flat and there are loads of positive things coming up.
Being pro active honestly is a life saver for me.